Thirtysomething
My series examines the love stumbling blocks of thirtysomething women. My focus is on women in their thirties specifically, who might look like to live the time of their lives in the eyes of others, but actually are terribly lonely. It is important to emphasize that I am not dealing now with those who voluntarily chose the single lifestyle. I am only interested in the group of women, to which I also belong to, who feel a little lost and do not know how they got here. Those, who struggle not only with external expectations but also with their own internal pressures, but try to get out. They work hard to somehow find a loving partner eventually, so they can move on to the next phase of their lives. Those who have to deal with the “benevolent” neighbors, parents, married, same aged friends. And in the crossfire of comments and questions, they try to explain themselves shyly or while smiling, or sometimes reacting more vigorously.
This is a more and more serious social problem within those university graduate women who just started spreading their wings, working hard, getting out of multiple global crises. I am interested in understanding the thoughts, feelings, desires and fears of this cohort that I would illustrate with a phototherapy method I have experimented with.
I was interested in what kind of mental processes, feelings, desires, and fears these women express. How well they can accept their feelings, what struggles they go through, do they dare or want to ask for help? What role do the issues of self-knowledge and self-love play in a relationship?
I was curious about how the role of letting go vs. clinging affects our dating habits, when do we start to become our own enemies in this process? What do we love about suffering? Why do we choose the same character over and over again, with whom the relationship is doomed from the very first moment, but the familiar situation provides apparent security? How long do we run the same circles until we realize that we have been going in circles all along…? And once we have the realization, are we willing to change, or even more so, can we and dare to change? I am attempting to solve this very diverse problem which points to one direction, while creating a sisterhood, including myself, based on the same experiences.
The series offers answers in a lyrical – yet at the same time symbolic – formulation, or perhaps raises even more questions, unsettling the viewer and leaving them with further doubts. For me, one important conclusion is that the difficulties of finding a partner can be interpreted not as a deficiency, but as a signal – feedback about where the individual stands in relation to themselves. During the creation of the images, while also examining the dynamic of letting go versus holding on, it became clear that a compulsive clinging to the problems of the past narrows possibilities and traps us in recurring patterns, whereas letting go opens space for new forms of connection – not only with others, but with ourselves as well. This recognition resonates beautifully with the statement: “Answers close; questions open.”
The kind of vulnerability I sought to reveal during the photo sessions serves as a reminder that intimacy does not begin with finding the other person, but with honestly examining our own patterns of functioning. That the solution does not move from the outside inward, but rather from the inside outward. That awareness does not protect us from loss or experiences of failure; instead, it enables us not to relive the same pain over and over again. By creating a kind of short circuit, we can interrupt the pattern and make new choices. And here we arrive at the most difficult task: even with all these realizations in our possession, do we have the strength and courage to change? Change truly begins where we are willing to relinquish the illusion of control and accept that a new way of functioning initially fills us with uncertainty and carries the risk of vulnerability.
Zsuzsa Darab (1989) is an Hungarian photographer, based in Budapest. She graduated from the Moholy-Nagy University of Art and Design Budapest in photography BA. In 2012 she studied painting and fine art in Denmark. In 2014, she studied at Aalto University School of Arts, Design and Architecture in Finland under the ERASMUS programme. In 2015, she graduated from MA in photography, then she finished her study in design and visual art teacher MA programme at MOME, Budapest. She has been a member of the Hungarian Association of Young Art Photographers since 2011 and the Women Photograph database since 2017. Her work has been exhibited internationally, and she was nominated for the FUTURES European Photographers Platform by Capa Center in 2024. From 2018, she lives in Hungary and works as a destination freelance photographer.
